It’s the question no one wants to ask, but is it ever ok to invite an ex to your wedding? For many couples, this is a reality that needs to be faced and clearly discussed before the invitation hits the post box. The issue of inviting that particular person from your past is becoming increasingly common, especially for those who maintain relationships with their former partners.

So if you find yourself fazed with this awkward predicament, don’t whip out the wedding stationary just yet. What needs to be determined is why you want to extend the invite to the former flame, whether it will be ok with the future hubby, and what it would be like situation reversed.

So if you’ve been out of touch for 5 years plus or dated for 2 months back in year 9 then it’s safe to say that you can leave their name off the list. But if it’s a case of  ‘the one that got away’ or someone you still see regularly it may take a little more consideration. If you find yourself nervous or uncomfortable with the prospect of that ex sitting in the stands to watch you tie the knot then chances are your current partner is in even more of a fluster. Since a wedding is the first big occurrence you, as a twosome, will face, it’s so important to reach a compromise and avoid any unnecessary pressures.

You also need to consider the worse case scenario. If their attendance will result in an objection at the altar and the bride or groom running off with the other woman/man then it’s a no brainer, and you have a whole other issue on your hands. But, if you must have your ex present, then consider the dos and don’ts that will ensure an incident-free wedding day.

Do give your ex a plus one. If they come with a friend or better yet, a new partner, then it will definitely soften the blow of their appearance.  Seat them with people they know and like (preferably not family) and limit the conversation between the two of you. You may be friends these days, but the day isn’t about them, it’s about you and your life with your future husband, so to avoid any unwanted jealousy or gossiping, keep the chats short and sweet.

As for the don’ts, do not, by any means, dance with your ex. There’s no reason to draw any unwanted attention to your former relationship so keep the saga of  ‘men and women can’t be friends’ on the down low and avoid any needless contact that could result in the mother-in-law pointing the finger or giving off the wrong impression. After all, the day will be one to remember for all the right reasons and a chance to celebrate your future as a couple, not a day to dwell on the past.